Bad Marketing Tips You Should Definitely Never Use for Your Website
- John Mayo
- Apr 21
- 4 min read
Let me tell you a secret: I once tried some marketing ideas so bad, they could have been banned by the internet police. If you want to avoid the same fate and keep your website from becoming a digital ghost town, stick around. I’m sharing the worst marketing tips I’ve ever seen so you know exactly what not to do.
Make Your Website Look Like a Disco Party
If you want visitors to run away screaming, fill your homepage with every color of the rainbow, flashing neon text, and pop-ups that appear every two seconds. Bonus points if you add loud auto-playing music that can’t be muted. Nothing says “professional” like a website that looks like it’s stuck in the 90s rave scene.
Why this fails:
Visitors get overwhelmed and leave immediately
Auto-playing sounds annoy users, especially at work or in public
Flashy colors and animations distract from your actual content
Use Tiny, Impossible-to-Read Fonts
Here’s a fun challenge: make your website text so small that people need a magnifying glass to read it. Bonus if you pick a font that looks like it was designed by a toddler with crayons. This will definitely keep your bounce rate high and your conversion rate low.
Why this fails:
Visitors can’t read your message
It looks unprofessional and careless
Search engines might penalize poor readability
Spam Everyone With Pop-Ups and Auto-Subscribe Boxes
Pop-ups are like that annoying friend who won’t stop texting you. Use them aggressively. Make sure they appear the moment someone lands on your page, asking for their email, phone number, and maybe their firstborn child. If they try to close it, throw another pop-up. Persistence is key, right?
Why this fails:
Visitors hate intrusive pop-ups
It damages trust and credibility
Many browsers block aggressive pop-ups automatically
Write Headlines That Make No Sense
If your headline looks like a cryptic riddle or a random jumble of keywords, you’re on the right track to confusing your visitors. For example: “Best Website Marketing Solutions for Your Needs and Beyond in 2024.” What does that even mean? Nobody knows, and nobody will click.
Why this fails:
Visitors don’t understand your offer
Headlines don’t grab attention or explain value
Poor headlines hurt SEO and click-through rates
Ignore Mobile Users Completely
Here’s a classic: build your website only for desktop and forget that most people browse on their phones. Make buttons tiny, text unreadable, and navigation impossible on mobile. This will ensure your mobile visitors leave faster than you can say “responsive design.”
Why this fails:
Over half of web traffic comes from mobile devices
Google ranks mobile-friendly sites higher
Poor mobile experience drives away potential customers
Fill Your Website With Stock Photos That Look Fake
Nothing screams “I didn’t try” like a website full of cheesy stock photos where everyone smiles too hard or looks like they’re in a bad soap opera. Use pictures of people shaking hands awkwardly or staring off into the distance with forced enthusiasm.
Why this fails:
Visitors sense inauthenticity immediately
It reduces trust and connection with your brand
Real photos perform better in engagement
Use Confusing Navigation Menus
Make your menu so complicated that visitors need a map and a compass to find anything. Use vague labels like “Stuff” or “Things” instead of clear categories. Hide important pages deep inside submenus that require multiple clicks.
Why this fails:
Visitors get frustrated and leave
Important content gets buried
Poor navigation hurts SEO and user experience
Write Walls of Text Without Breaks
If you want to bore your visitors to tears, write long paragraphs with no headings, bullet points, or images. Make sure the text is dense and hard to scan. That way, nobody will read your content, and your message will be lost forever.
Why this fails:
People skim online content, they don’t read every word
Large blocks of text are intimidating and tiring
Lack of structure reduces comprehension and engagement
Use Confusing Calls to Action
Instead of clear instructions like “Buy Now” or “Sign Up,” use vague phrases like “Click Here” or “Submit” without context. Or better yet, have multiple CTAs on the same page competing for attention. That way, visitors won’t know what to do and will do nothing.
Why this fails:
Visitors hesitate without clear direction
Multiple CTAs cause decision paralysis
Lower conversion rates
Rely Only on Jargon and Buzzwords
Fill your website with meaningless buzzwords and jargon that only you understand. Words like “synergize,” “disrupt,” and “game-changer” will impress no one except your cat. Keep your language confusing and complicated to make sure nobody gets your message.
Why this fails:
Visitors get confused and lose interest
It makes your brand seem out of touch
Clear, simple language works best
If you’ve laughed (or cringed) at these tips, you’re already ahead of the game. Avoiding these mistakes will make your website more welcoming, clear, and effective. Remember, marketing doesn’t have to be boring, but it should never be confusing or annoying.
Next time you think about adding a flashy animation or a pop-up, ask yourself: “Is this helping my visitors or scaring them away?” Your website visitors will thank you for it.
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